The Thursday Tradition Keeps on Keepin' On

Many of the dips on our rollercoaster ride have happened to occur on Thursdays, by some odd coincidence. The first intimation that things were even worse than we knew came via a voicemail from Nurse Cheery on a Thursday, saying, "Please come in for some tests tomorrow. There may have been some tissue left behind." Several of the rises in hCG were detected on Thursdays, and at least one of the chemo shots was administered on a Thursday.

Last Thursday did not deviate from the pattern, unfortunately. After days of trying to squeeze an answer out of my doctor's office, Nurse Cheery finally called and left a message that despite her best efforts, she could not convince either Dr. Reserved or his partner that a shorter waiting period was reasonable. Which means that we can't inseminate until September -- IF we use his office. We are hatching all sorts of subversive plans... watch this space for details.

And for a little more salt in the wound, the universe saw fit for K to have her baby on Thursday, too. I know that somewhere inside I am happy for her, but a thick layer of bitter, dull grief is suffocating that happiness right now. The inability to express joy for her perpetuates my misery, because I get frustrated and disappointed with myself because I want to be a bigger person. I don't want this loss to make me self-centered and uncharitable.

But here I am, raw, prickly, and hurtling towards another Thursday... when I have my next beta.