Sunday, September 18, 2005

The M-Word

Yesterday we had to retrieve a few things from the basement for a neighbor's party. Somehow (don't ask me how) I managed to convince Jen that we should bring up the bin of hand-me-down maternity clothes that have been hiding down there for the better part of a year. She carefully removed all labels indicating the contents of the bin, and we lugged it up together. She was convinced that our neighbors were looking intently at the bin, somehow knowing what lurked within. I laughed and reminded her that everything looked fine last Tuesday and that, at this point we're just a little over a week from the end of the first trimester, so who cares if neighbors are suspecting things?

Wrong answer.

One mini-meltdown and lots of hugs, kisses, and reassurances later, we shoved the box out of our front hall and ignored it for the rest of the day.

Imagine my shock when she was willing to try on a pair of (really cute) overall shorts this morning. Since they screamed PREGNANT, and we still haven't told most people, she decided not to wear them. However, when I pointed out that her growing belly was becoming pretty obvious even in her regular clothes, she opened the bag of maternity shirts. It's kind of shocking what one of those shirts can do. No, it doesn't hide anything, but it looks really cute and...pregnant.

The entire walk to and from the farmer's market, I couldn't stop looking and grinning. I wanted to run into people we know, just to see if they'd notice and what they would say. And at the same time there's still this damn voice in my head, reminding me that we're so, so far from out of the woods yet. And I'm scared that I'm getting too excited now, because what if we go in for the ultrasound on Friday and everything's NOT ok? What if the heartbeat has stopped? What if it's too small? What if there's something wrong? What if we're not growing a baby, but a...I don't know...a trout? It did look like a fish at that 7 week ultrasound.

But she still looks damn cute in that maternity shirt.

13 Comments:

  • Trout. Hahaha! You're funny...

    By Blogger Jen, at 3:38 PM  

  • I'm always a fan of the gummy bear....

    :)

    Belly pictures, please!

    :)

    And feel free to grin away - enjoy the joy, you know?

    xoxoxo,
    S

    By Blogger Shelli, at 8:56 PM  

  • Even at the 20wk ultrasound, it looks a little like a halibut. It's all those shots of the spine they have to get; the ribs and spine create this fishy look.

    By Blogger Emilin, at 10:36 PM  

  • fish-baby! lol

    yay for M-clothes :-) even if no one else knows. I love having a secret between the two of us and wondering if people can "guess"...

    I agree with Shelli - enjoy the joy each and every time you feel it! :-)

    By Anonymous cathy, at 7:57 AM  

  • I think it looks like a dinosaur when the spine gets more pronounced. You know, like a fossil? Anyway, enjoy the maternity clothes and the joy of the pregnancy!

    By Blogger lagiulia, at 10:45 AM  

  • I say wear the short overalls, they sound cute!

    By Blogger Ana, at 11:01 AM  

  • trout or fish or fossil all sound much nicer than what my friends called their baby inutero: Skeletor. Yes. Skeletor.

    p.s. it's looking like November for sure. 11/3 - 11/9. whaddya think?

    By Anonymous conchita, at 5:12 PM  

  • Glad to hear the wardrobe choices are expanding...

    By Blogger April, at 5:45 PM  

  • How exciting!!!! And, I join the protest: belly pics, pleeeeease!!!

    By Blogger deanna, at 6:20 PM  

  • If it looks like a fish then you're right on target, during our embryonic development (ontogeny) we re-enact our evolutional history (phylogeny). See, it's all good!

    [Coverall pics, maybe? Just the garment if need be, go on, we must see that thing of beauty!]

    By Blogger The Lioness, at 8:51 AM  

  • Lucy looked like a skeleton throughout most of the pregnancy - and a scary one at that.

    The thing is, there will ALWAYS be something to worry about. And that part of it sucks. Up until Lucy was born I worried about stillbirth, cord accidents, placenta failure, etc. (Shall I continue?)

    My point is, THIS MOMENT Jen is pregnant, and THIS MOMENT you are expecting a baby! So revel in that, and enjoy it! Because before too long your baby will be 18 and you will think, "Where did those years go?"

    For me it's a form of self-protection I think. I already am thinking about our next baby...what if I didn't miscarry and there is a chromosome problem? What then? I just have to shut those thoughts out of my head. They rob the joy out of life.

    SO ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HELL YEAH PUT ON THOSE MATERNITY SHIRTS!

    You noticed how pregnancy is already turning you two into parents? Worry, worry, worry! :) Have you started a journal?

    Rach

    By Blogger R, at 1:39 PM  

  • Long before your baby will be 18, it will be a snarky teenager. All the more reason to enjoy while you can.

    : )

    By Anonymous bri, at 8:19 AM  

  • When there actually is a baby in my arms, I will enjoy. Until then, I think joy and fear are going to be wrestling it out in my head on a constant basis.

    I do hear what you guys are saying - and I'll write more about it later - but this is our space, and we need to be able to be honest about our feelings here, if nowhere else.

    Thanks for understanding.

    By Blogger Jen, at 12:25 PM  

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