Saturday, January 21, 2006

How Sweet It Is

Turns out I blew the 1 hour gestational diabetes test, and will have to go in next week for the 3-hour funfest. Though my rational mind knows that many women fail the one hour but go on to pass the 3-hour, and furthermore that even if I were to fail the next test it would not mean dire, horrible things, just inconvenient and frustrating dietary changes, this has thrown me into a total tailspin.

It's brought up great steaming mountains of guilt (I make selfish, bad food choices and endanger myself and my baby), buried self-hatred (It's all because I am fat) and my typical panic when feeling out of control (Oh, God, now we'll have to switch to an OB and a hospital and what if something's wrong with the kid and Jesus this predisposes me to REAL diabetes and oh shit oh hell oh crap...). I want to repeat, rationally I know these things are not true and that the consequences if I should happen to have GD will be primarily matters of convenience and comfort, rather than life-threatening for me or for Harpo, but those are the thoughts that spew forth from my distressed brain.

Needless to say, Cait has been concerned at the directions my thoughts are taking, and has been trying to comfort me and help me approach this more calmly. She suggested that, in keeping with the Hypn0b1rthing, we try to come up with some affirmations to address this situation. So we've thought of things like "My blood sugar is stable and healthy," and "I eat healthful food for my body and my baby," and "My insulin levels are just what they should be." (Imagine, by the way, that all of these statements are made in a calm, soothing, serious, almost but not quite bore-you-to-death tone of voice). Unfortunately, my smartass brain keeps coming up with helpful statements like, "I drink Coca-Cola until it spurts out of my ears," and "My baby's blood is 99% sugar." Clearly, my insulin levels may be out of whack, but my sense of humor remains right where it's always been. Pretty smartass.

16 Comments:

  • Fortunately, through some experimentation with the iPod, we're discovering a little about Harpo's musical tastes. So, should Jen have GD, we'll just put the kid on an exercise routine by playing lots and lots of Fame. Yep, the kid likes Fame. Shelli, we may send Harpo up your way when he/she is ready to make his/her Broadway debut.

    By Blogger Cait, at 5:30 PM  

  • Your post made me laugh out loud at the end! I know things will be fine however they work out (a really good friend of mind had GD and all was ok) and I understand worry about insulin problems as I have that issue myself - I also love your sense of humor - just make sure you wear clothes that can wash easily as the Coca-cola spurts out of your ears! ;)

    By Blogger Jennifer, at 7:39 PM  

  • Sorry, sweetie.

    I had brunch today with another of the Sixteen (or however many there are of you Army of Preggos) and she also failed the one hour. The doctor got her all freaked out (with just a few suggestions about staying away from refined carbs, actually) but the three hour came back totally fine. I know it's *really* hard and total assvice, but I'll say it anyway - try not to get too ahead of yourself. One day at a time, like the 80's show said.

    By Anonymous bri, at 8:04 PM  

  • Jen--

    I went into the same tailspin when I failed the one hour.

    you aren't crazy (or no crazier than me...)

    bekah

    By Blogger Bekah, at 10:01 PM  

  • Fame! I'm gonna live forever, People remember my name, Fame!

    :)


    When you talked about the affirmations, I couldn't help but picture Al Franken, aka, stewart smalley - "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

    I'm SURE my mom had GD, but way back in ancient times, aka, the 60's and 70's no one did diddly - you got pregnant, you went into labor, you took the kid home. The women were encouraged to smoke, to relax them, and to even have the occasional highball.

    Other than normal things that throw all adults into therapy, which I"m SURE was AFTER I left the womb, I think mom ate and drank wacko stuff and I'm pretty OK.

    Don't you worry about your soda consumption, because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you! :)

    By Blogger Shelli, at 7:26 AM  

  • Jen - of the three preggo women in my Dept last year one developed GD, and guess what? She was the super skinny one, who ate really carefully throughout. YOu know, one of those women where you can't tell they are pregnant from behind because they are skinny and their bodies carry easily. The other two women are heavy and one, I know for sure ate crap and had a terrible pregnancy (placenta previa... and other fun things.)

    Anyway, I know and hate that sort of personal tailspin so we're sending love your way!

    Take care honey!

    By Anonymous jenny, at 8:45 AM  

  • I just took my one hour test and Im terrified of the results myself. I am afraid for my own health and my baby's health if I dont pass it. So, dont worry you are not alone, nor are you crazy. Its just another thing in pregnancy and motherhood to worry about. If its not this, it would be something else...

    By Blogger Blog This!, at 9:39 AM  

  • So what do you have to do for the 3 hour test?

    By Blogger Calliope, at 10:27 AM  

  • Calliope, as far as I know, I have to eat a really carb heavy diet for the next three days (sounds great - actually not as fun as eating a lot of dessert, nooo - there's a pretty scripted, not exciting diet involving toast & jam, rice krispies with sugar, and canned fruit in syrup - all things I *HATE*. Coffee Haagen Dazs and Coca-Cola do not appear on the diet anywhere).

    After that, I fast for 12 hours and then go to the midwives' office. They will give me a nasty drink (super super concentrated sugar) and make me sit there for 3 hours - no exercise or walking or eating or drinking allowed. I'll have four blood draws (before the drink and then at 1 hour intervals) to see how my body handles fasting and then consuming sugar.

    The only good thing about this is that I will have 3 mostly uninterrupted hours to work on my Secret Knitting Project. :)

    By Blogger Jen, at 10:39 AM  

  • Ask them if you can drink pop/oj instead of the nasty orange drink. I know that is totally acceptable for the 1 hour, since all that matters is the amount of sugar. It makes the process less gross from what I hear.

    By Blogger Brooke, at 4:15 PM  

  • Jen, I think we so often get a load of crap shoved down our throats if we dare be outside the optimum body mass index and actually have a baby. I found a site about plus-size mothers (don't know if you are one, but is good info anyway!) and found lots of reassuring stuff that exposes how much of the mainstream pregnancy stuff is size-ist and claptrap -
    http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/firstindex.html
    The mainstream pregnancy books make it sound like I might as well not have a kid cause I'm going to damage/kill it by being a fat mother, so I've decided to ignore all that and I feel happier for it.

    By Blogger mermaidgrrrl, at 9:51 AM  

  • Longtime lurker who just had to say that I failed the one-hour test and passed the three-hour test with both pregnancies. Just be sure to bring a good protein snack for after the test is over since you will be weak, wobbly, and shaky! Even better, have someone pick you up after the test and take you out to lunch!

    By Anonymous Nancy J., at 12:15 PM  

  • damn. the 3 hour test sounds awful!!
    I hope it all goes by fast.
    *shudder*

    By Blogger Calliope, at 1:51 PM  

  • GD GD! Rrrg!

    (I'm terrified I have the regular D even now, and worry insanely about the GD. Every time some one posts about this, I am glued to the screen.)

    By Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom), at 5:21 PM  

  • I failed mine too... and it was a fluke. My one hour was over by 6 points, my 3 hour was over by 2 points. NO test I ever took at home ( and from that point forward I had to test 3 times a day) ever came up high. Was "forced" into an induction on my due date because of the "risks" of GD. Spent 4 days of HELL on Pitocin.. and extra yucky hospital food because the staff was notified of my GD status.. but none of my tests there came back high either. My DD was finally forced from her comfy home, 7lb 2oz ( the smallest baby born into my family) and I had endured that all for no reason then a few stupid tests. I did NOT have GD. I think my doc just wanted to schedule the birth to be more convenient to her.

    By Blogger Mama-Beans, at 9:08 PM  

  • There are billions of OBs and midwives who think the GTT is crap and misdiagnoses too many cases. So if you fail the three-hour, feel sorry for yourslef for not being able to stuff your face with delicious Petite Ecolier cookies anymore, but don't automatically assume you actually have GD. It just means you have to follow the GD diet and switch to dark chocolate from regular.

    And keep focusing on the fact that there are tons of us out there who gave birth to big babies (9lbs8oz and 8lbs8oz) who didn't have GD, and that you can push out a big baby with hardly any damage at all (except to your sense of humility, because when you push out a big baby you start to feel like a real badass and you brag about it for awhile until everyone tells you to shut up about it already).

    By Blogger Moxie, at 3:33 PM  

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