Tuesday, April 11, 2006

What Part of "Due Date" Don't You Understand?

This post has two distinct audiences.

Audience the First: Harpo. Now listen, kid, you get a lot more leeway here, since I'm already completely in love with you. But I did want to check in and make sure you realized the significance of this day, seeing as you don't have a watch or a calendar or anything. Today is April 11, your due date (not to mention the due date of the baby before you, a coincidence we HOPED might add some psychic pull towards getting you out). You are welcome to come on out on your own timetable, but if you are so inclined, arriving today would be a great way to start a life of being prompt. Your mama did it. (Whereas your mommy was 6 days early. You blew that one, sad to say.) Anyway, there's about 11 hours left of today, by my watch. Think about it.

Audience the Second: A whole lot of stupid people. Including, astonishingly, many, many people who have HAD BABIES, some of them recently. I can't tell you how many people have asked me when my due date is with the apparent belief that this means the date the baby will come. Yesterday a friend called me and said, "So how are you feeling the day before The Big Day?" I said, "P, you know tomorrow is my due date, right? The baby's gonna come when the baby's gonna come." And she said, "But you're going in tomorrow, right?" So I repeated, very s-l-o-w-l-y, "It's my due date. The baby's not necessarily coming tomorrow. It could be any time in the next two weeks." And then vowed never to answer the phone again. Cut to this morning. The clerk at the store says, "So when are you due?" "Today, actually." "So when are you going to the hospital?!?" "When something starts happening." "But you're due today." "Yes."

Oh, and a word about "yet". Attention family and friends who have been asking, in some cases for the PAST TWO WEEKS, "Haven't you had that baby yet?" TODAY is my due date. Therefore, use of the word "yet" prior to today makes no fucking sense. Use of the word "yet" today or later may make sense but is probably just a wee bit inadvisable if you wish to retain full functioning of all of your body parts.

And now if you'll excuse me, I've got some walking to do.

21 Comments:

  • LOL Some people must think that babies are delivered by Federal Express! It's more like milk, that has a sell-by date, and you have to drink it within two weeks =)

    Go have some nice Italian food. I've heard eggplant parm can bring on labor, and if it doesn't? you still have eggplant parm.

    By Anonymous DebbieS, at 1:32 PM  

  • Walk, walk, walk, Jen--it really MIGHT do the trick. But be prepared to grit your teeth, if you have (as I did) normally likeable, friendly neighbors who yell out your hated phrase as you walk by--"Haven't you had that baby yet?" As I was a week late, I had plenty of time to come up with replies, like, "I did have the baby, and it was so much fun I decided to do it again this week." Etc. If you say it with a very straight face, they usually figure out that they should talk about something else.

    We're rooting for you though... hang in there!

    By Anonymous Andrea, at 1:32 PM  

  • I always wonder if family and friends who ask that honestly think you would have a kid and NOT TELL THEM. Like when my parents went to Costa Rica a few weeks before Charlie was due... I picked them up at the airport when they got home (3 weeks before EDD) and we were in the car for about fifteen minutes before my dad casually asked if the baby had been born.
    WHAT? Like I would abandon my wife and kid to come get you? And then, oh, decide not to tell until you asked?

    Anyway...

    Harpo- It's time. Your mother is a librarian. Okay we'll be PC. She's a media specialist. But really, she's a librarian. Now I know in your 38 weeks of existence so far you have not yet learned about librarians. But lemme tell you kid, they are the WRONG set of people to piss off. You do NOT want to start your little life with an angry librarian. You DON'T. So do yourself a favor and be born and MAYBE she'll let you check out more than your limit of books.
    Because from now on- She's gonna start charging ten cents a day. And even if you had the money to pay it, it still goes on your permanent record. Trust me.

    By Blogger Estelle, at 1:52 PM  

  • I love your post...I just hope it doesn't boil down to, "haven't you had that baby yet?" and you, "fuck off."
    Hang in there and we will all be "Blog stalking" until we see that you have indeed gone in. Good luck!

    By Blogger Hoping, at 2:10 PM  

  • The moon gets full this week, so I feel good that it will happen soon!

    By Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom), at 2:33 PM  

  • Yikes re:the due date thingie. Going past a due date is NOT a problem I had, so I didn't know people were so ignorant. I can hear the growing urgency in your post. I'm thinking of you and sending my best contraction vibes your way!

    By Blogger lagiulia, at 2:55 PM  

  • Nice rant!! I'd be grumpy too.

    Who doesn't know what a due is ?!?

    By Blogger charlotte, at 4:16 PM  

  • I am constantly astonished by A) the things people don't know and B) the things people think I don't know. While this doesn't have anything to do with your post, I must also admit annoyance with recent-new moms who tell me things about pregnancy and babies as though I have not been ttc for a year and researching for longer and am therefore aware of pretty much every parenting issue and fact that you could throw at me. I KNOW, OK?

    Wait. What was I saying? Oh. That I hope Harpo gets out of there soon.

    And also, as a librarian, that Estelle is cracking me UP. Love the librarian lecture. Love it.

    By Anonymous bri, at 5:05 PM  

  • On the up side, as of tomorrow you'll be able to freak people out by answering the "when are you due" question honestly. When people hear that your due date has come and gone, they will look at you with horror and literally back away, as if you might explode like Mr. Creosote on Monty Python. Hee-freaking-larious.

    By Anonymous Summer, at 5:19 PM  

  • Harpo could just be waiting for Tax day so that you could laugh at the irony...

    xo

    By Blogger Calliope, at 5:29 PM  

  • Heh. It is true, what Summer said. When you tell people you were due yesterday, or god forbid, any time later than that in the past, they get completely weird.

    It doesn't make up for them saying EVERY DAMN DAY "Haven't you had that baby yet?" or "You're still here???" But it is funny.

    We do feel your pain. Truly.

    Forget the eggplant and everything else unless you feel like it, because Harpo will come when Harpo decides to come. But know that the blogosphere is out here routing for you all.

    By Anonymous Liza, at 7:46 PM  

  • Oh, Jen. As the proud mom of a baby who arrived 10 days after his due date, I feel your pain. Oh, do I feel your pain.

    I stopped answering the phone, and spent hours walking up and down the downtown mall.

    I ate lots of gelato because the gelato place on the mall has a nice bathroom.

    Good luck, and tell them all to fuck off. That is one of the privileges of going past your due date. No one holds you responsible for anything you say or do.

    By Blogger Bekah, at 8:46 PM  

  • I cannot wait to meet such a determined little bugger! Just yesterday I read some advice I wish I'd read months ago so I could have told you: 1st time mums shoul always add 2 weeks to their due date and thereby avoid all the aggravation.

    I still remember your I'm pg post, cannot believe you're here already, am so very happy for you!

    Have you pupped yet?

    By Blogger The Lioness, at 8:46 PM  

  • Harpo seems snug as a bug in a rug, I'm afraid!

    Keep us posted, I'm checking OFTEN. And I hope, for Karma's sake, that Harpo makes an appearance in the next 2 and half hours.

    I get "yet." We had a three year long pregnancy, and we got a LOT of "yets" - as in "haven't you gotten pregnant YET?" or "Haven't you adopted YET?"

    Sorry about that - I would just smile and say nope, not yet.

    they just.don't.get.it.

    sigh.

    (come on out, now Harpo, we're ALL waiting!) :)

    By Blogger Shelli, at 9:42 PM  

  • hey -I noticed you're NOT on my IM screen. Hmmmmmm.

    I'm tempted to call you, but I figure since half the FREAKING world's calling you, I'll sit patiently and wait.


    tap


    tap

    tap.

    :)

    By Blogger Shelli, at 9:43 PM  

  • Now I know you are concerntrating on THIS baby - but now you have experienced my life lesson and next baby you will also TELL EVERYONE THE BABY IS DUE TWO WEEKS LATER THAN IT ACTUALLY IS! That way it is just between you and those you know might not bother you about 'yet' and 'when' and 'why' ...

    Walk, have sex and eat chilli!

    By Blogger Clare, at 11:05 PM  

  • Hey Bekah -- my sister was 10 days late too. (And still only about 5.5 lbs!) It happens.....
    Also, you probably know this already, but there has started to be a "thing" today whereby women decide when they want to have their babies and go to the hospital and get induced just to get it "over with." (Or, doctors decide when *they* want the women to have their babies...) I have heard this story from women that I know. Many doctors won't do this for you until your due date.....hence the significance of the due date for women who, well, have their own schedule, rather than, say, the schedule of the being inside of them.
    Jen, I suspect you are well aware of this phenomenon, but I felt like sharing. 'Cause it kind of weirds me out. I think Harpo should listen to mommy & mama, but I'm also glad mommy & mama respect Harpo. Sounds like an excellent (if physically uncomfortable) start to Harpo's life, to me.
    I'll just keep checking the blog. :-)

    By Blogger Lo, at 7:01 AM  

  • I'm with Katie--full moon approaches. Hang in there!

    By Blogger hd, at 10:36 AM  

  • I know it is absolutely NO consolation, but both my kids came early, 2 weeks early and 3 weeks early respectively, and I still got asked that dreaded question! Good luck from a longtime lurker!

    Nancy in Redmond, WA

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:42 AM  

  • If it makes you feel better (maybe?) I was born 10 days after my due date and I've never wanted to be late again. I'm perpetually early for everything- just the way I like it. Maybe Harpo will be this way too....

    By Blogger JT, at 11:58 AM  

  • Remember, the median gestational age at delivery for the babies of first-time moms is 284 days. You're not even at the median yet!

    I do have to admit that it was fun going out after my due date. People would ask when I was due, and I could say, "Last week."

    Also, at the bookstore...

    Clerk: So, when are you due?
    Me: Tuesday.
    Clerk: That's coming up soon!
    Me: It was two days ago.

    That was fun. :D

    By Blogger Emilin, at 12:52 PM  

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