Tuesday, October 10, 2006


We have to redo the homestudy. And the post placement visits. The judge won't take a homestudy from a private agency. Only the district. And this only applies in cases of second parent adoptions, mind you. Of course, the reason we'd gone with a private agency is that if you go through the District, there's no predicting who you'll get or how they'll cope with the whole lesbian thing. It's unclear as of yet how much of the paperwork, fingerprinting, background checking, and letter of recommendation getting I'll have to redo and how much can be transferred. What is clear is that a) we spent a whole lot of money that we don't have on a stupid fucking homestudy that doesn't count, b) we get to have yet another person poking around in our lives and judging my "fitness," and c) I'm so, so sick of this.

On the up side, we have an actual court date. In December. We're getting a little nervous about this judge, so think good thoughts for us, OK?

On the even upper side, every day I love this child more. I don't know how that's possible, since I loved her a pretty insane amount from the beginning. But it's true. I am so happy, and we are so lucky to have her in our lives. Whether or not we ever have the paperwork to prove it, I AM her mama. I'd just really like to have the paperwork.


  • Are you getting a new lawyer? Cause it seems like this one has screwed up repeatedly.

    I'm so sorry that this shit is going on for you guys.


    By Anonymous jenny, at 8:28 PM  

  • It's really the judge that's fucking things up. She's making the whole thing a moving target.

    I think the only thing I would call even possibly erroneous on the part of the lawyer was the recommendation that we use a private social worker instead of the District - but that's always been an option in the past. She did warn us at the time that there was a chance a private social worker would not be accepted, but thought it unlikely.

    By Blogger Jen, at 8:54 PM  

  • That sucks! DC Superior Court is notorious for this kind of crap (not just w adoptions- i represented domestic violence victims there and it was just as much a crazy place). Good luck! Hope you can get the new sw to accept your old stuff. :-(

    By Blogger Gus and Moms, at 9:33 PM  

  • Shit. shitshitshitshitshit! Ok, I am going to start sending "good judge" energy over to the east coast. Really this just suck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

    By Blogger Targetgirl, at 10:32 PM  

  • Good Lord.

    Can you get some of the money back at tax time? Over the next several years?

    Good to hear about the court date.

    By Blogger Brooke, at 11:14 PM  

  • This BLOWS. I'm so sorry...

    By Blogger art-sweet, at 12:19 AM  

  • I'm really sorry that you all have to go through this. Cait, you really have a wonderful perspective on how fortunate you are to have Natalie no matter what, but still. Such a waste of your time and energy. Hoping the best for you 3.

    By Blogger lagiulia, at 7:42 AM  

  • What a fucking crock. So sorry to hear that there's been another hurdle it in a process that shouldn't even be necessary.

    By Anonymous Brooke, at 9:30 AM  

  • damn. This would send me into such a rage!
    Hoping you get an amazing judge and that this next hurdle goes as smoothly as possible.
    so so so sorry.

    By Blogger Calliope, at 9:58 AM  

  • Ah, shit. You'd think that in DC, the government would be bending over backwards to help a child have two parents.

    I'm sorry that you have to go through so much to get legal recognition of what you so clearly are: a family.

    By Anonymous Summer, at 10:02 AM  

  • WTF!

    Um, shouldn't the lawyer you already had told you this?

    I can't believe it.


    And yes, I SO understnad loving your child more and more each day.

    We do, too. (ours, that is - even though yours is pretty darn cute!)

    By Blogger Shelli, at 1:46 PM  

  • Holy shit. I'm really bummed for you. *shaking an angry fist on your behalf*

    By Blogger hd, at 4:41 PM  

  • Mr. W and I were talking about this today...the need for you to adopt your daughter. And it makes no sense. I've never been in your situation, and I won't be. And so it never occurred to me exactly what you're going through. I knew it in that nebulous way you know things that are on the news or whatever...but none of this had a face to me.

    Especially not a face that I've come to love over the last year or so. Praying that it goes your way sooner rather than later.

    By Blogger Miss W, at 9:30 PM  

  • Well that just bites. Feel free to borrow my semi-trademark "Fuck fuck fuckity fuck" as needed.

    Damn stupid people and their stupid getting in your way, anyway. Bleh.

    By Blogger Kate, at 11:08 PM  

  • Heh. I didn't even notice your title until I posted my comment. Great minds...great minds. ;)

    By Blogger Kate, at 11:09 PM  

  • Fucking fuckity fuck! That's horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry.

    Not to get into the assvice business, but I can't stop myself. Who in the DC Gov now has the job that used to be held by Wanda Alston? You should call that person and freak out at them.

    Dunno exactly how well taht will work with the new administration, but it worked very well under Mayor Williams. That's how Jill and I got the "who can be added to your property deed without being taxed" law changed.

    (Really. They were aware of the issue and just waiting to hear from constituents complaining before introducing legislation to change it. Six months after my freakout, the law was updated.)

    Of course, that's probably too slow to fix this fucked up bullshit of Cait adopting Nat. But it would help for the next baby. Assuming a next baby.

    By Anonymous Liza, at 12:03 AM  

  • That's just too much. I cannot even fathom the frustration. Fuck sounds like just about the right word to be said in a situation like this. I'm sorry. I'll try to send white light to the judge.

    By Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom), at 10:45 AM  

  • On Liza's suggestion:
    The woman running the LGBT Affairs office in DC is Darlene Nipper. Here's a link to the website http://lgbt.eom.dc.gov/lgbt

    This is just crap girls. If you want other DC residents to write letters or something, let me know.

    By Blogger JT, at 11:10 AM  

  • Fuck is right.

    Well, how much does THAT suck.

    I hope the judge stays put and issues the decree with as few additional hoops as humanly possible.

    Oh, and I just made a teeny-tiny donation to the Lambda Legel Defense Fund, which was overdue, so thanks (but -- sigh) for reminding me to get it in gear already.

    By Blogger Jody, at 1:38 PM  

  • I am really sorry this is happenning.

    By Anonymous bri, at 7:45 PM  

  • such bullchit

    By Blogger AnotherAmy, at 7:57 PM  

  • Hoowee, that's some seriosuly fucked up shit. I'm so sorry you guys have to deal with that crap. I too am sending some mellow judge vibes over there.

    By Blogger Indigo Wolf, at 12:59 AM  

  • *ack* how awful. =\ I'm sorry you have to go through this again. is there anything you can do to fight the decision? Or get a refund from the group that did your homestudy since they should have (?) known that for your situation it wasn't legal in your area?

    By Anonymous Lil Liberal, at 1:38 PM  

  • Oh for the love of g*d! This judge really needs to go.

    By Anonymous jean, at 9:31 PM  

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