Monday, May 23, 2005

Choose Your Own O-Venture

Remember Choose Your Own Adventures? Chances are, if you're anywhere between Cait's and my age demographic (basically, born in the '70s), you do. They've mostly fallen out of fashion, although I think there's at least one in the collection at my school. I've decided to add to the genre with a new CYOA, Fertility Style:

You are Jennifer, a mid-30s lesbian school librarian and mommy-wannabee who has been thwarted by fate and excess sperm/chromosomes at the time of conception. This is a particularly perilous week for you, as you have just announced your plans to leave your current school for another (causing great distress to your colleagues) and you are heading off to attend the graduation of your academically-brilliant-yet-decisionally-challenged sister, all at the same time that you are finally free to inseminate after an externally imposed break of 10 months.

If you accept this challenge, you will have to negotiate the perils of OPKs in smelly school bathrooms, transporting human tissue across state lines, your wife (who gets very, very stressed out by travel) and your mother.

Are you up to the task or do you want to bow out gracefully?

LET ME OUT OF HERE!
JUST DO IT.

6 Comments:

  • OH. MY. GOD. This is brilliant, Jen. I was such a fan of CYOA, control freak that I am, and this is quite an impressive addition to the genre. You are my new school librarian/insemination idol.

    By Blogger ms.bri, at 11:04 AM  

  • Thank you! I had a blast writing it but I didn't get much sleep last night.... I wanted to get it up before this morning as I was afraid the first OPK of the day would obviate the whole damn thing. But it was still negative, so readers, play along!

    By Blogger Jen, at 11:23 AM  

  • I used to read those books all the time, over and over, til I knew every possible ending; I just did the same thing with your blog.

    What fun!

    By Anonymous jenny, at 4:47 PM  

  • What a great idea!! (and a lot fun!) Quick question, though: I don't know anyone else who is doing self-inseminations. Is it safe to do it that way? What does your doctor say about it?

    By Blogger deanna, at 9:12 PM  

  • It's quite safe, and very common, especially among lesbians, single women, and others who don't have ready access to good sperm.

    There are various levels of insemination, and each level increases in complexity and safety requirements. IVI (intravaginal) is the simplest - you just use a syringe in place of the "natural" delivery method (i.e. penis). You need a sterile syringe and clean hands (oh, and sperm). ICI (intracervical) is one step up. You use a short catheter and insert it into (but not through) the cervix). You need to be careful with the catheter not to harm the cervix, but it's not too tricky. IUI (intrauterine) is typically, but not always, done in medical settings. You use a longer catheter to go through the cervix into the uterus. You have to make sure eveything is sterile, use a speculum, and be careful not to go too far into the uterus. Lots of people find that intimidating, but there are people who learn to do it safely, usually under the instruction of a medical professional, and then do them at home safely and successfully.

    By Blogger Jen, at 9:59 PM  

  • This is AWESOME. Awesome, I tell you. You were born when, '74? I had forgotten about CYOAs, but now that you've reminded me I think I'll have my students write their own...next year, thank God!!! Only two more days left of this school year! Thanks for the great post.

    ~dee

    By Blogger hd, at 12:56 PM  

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