Thursday, July 14, 2005

Smack!

The universe never learned to fight fair. It seems that life likes to smack you more when you're already down. My record for today is TWO slaps upside the head in about an hour (and of course, all the while we're still coming to terms with Aunt Bea's death).

Smack The First: I went to the RE's office this afternoon for what seems like the billionth time. Yet another pointless beta. A beta I need to be zero, because otherwise it means the molar cells are coming back. I can't even explain how twisted it is to get a beta and WANT it to be zero when you are in the middle of trying to get pregnant.*

pow

Smack The Second: I logged on to the school email when I got back from the doctor's and saw a message from a coworker who left in the fall because her husband got a new job a few hours away. It was a general message, not specifically to me, and I bet you can guess what it was. Yup. A birth announcement. The baby was born a couple of weeks ago. Which means she was not yet pregnant when she left -- but I was. Here we are 9 months later: she has a kid, I don't -- and I'm still not pregnant.

whack

I know in the big scheme of things (certainly compared to losing an amazing person like Bea) these are utterly trivial. But they still suck. And if you can't complain about it on your own blog, where can you?


*I know this gets kind of confusing. Now that I have a history of molar pregnancy, a positive beta will never be 100% good again, because it could ALWAYS mean a recurrence of the mole - even if I am also pregnant. ** But if I know I am NOT pregnant (which I do now, since I got my period), a positive beta is ONLY bad, because we know at that point it means molar activity. Clear as mud? Good.

** So if/when I do get pregnant again, the beta will be helpful but not infalliable. We'll have to wait and see how things look on the ultrasound, and I'll be getting them a couple of times in the first tri to make sure things are going ok. If everything's still looking good at the end of the first trimester, then we assume I have no molar activity... but it could come back the next day, or 6 years later, or never. Chances that it will come back? Small, but existant. Fun with Moles!

5 Comments:

  • Think positive!

    !!!!!!!!!!!"BLAM!" !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (Now you have a "BLAM" to go with your "POW" and "WHACK")

    By Anonymous Heather, at 4:49 PM  

  • Jen, I know just what you mean. When I took the HPT and it was positive I just didn't know what to feel. Happy, scared, terrified....
    Those first few ultrasounds will be hard, let me tell you, and until you hear the words "this is a normal pregnancy" you will not breathe normal. But it will happen and it will be so worth it!
    Hang in there honey!

    By Blogger Ana, at 5:25 AM  

  • ARGH. I just can't stop thinking about you today and imagining how stressful all of this is for you - I know it seems to be sucking the life out of me in many ways, and therefore can only begin to imagine how it is for you. I hate waiting for test results. Really. A lot. I hope they get back to you promptly so your brain can be on to more exciting things.

    By Anonymous bri, at 2:28 PM  

  • UPDATE: Beta is negative.

    By Blogger Jen, at 2:47 PM  

  • yay for a negative beta!!! (sounds odd to say, but I know you must feel good knowing one hurdle is cleared!!!) Also, I am with Bri - have been thinking about you girls for the past few days and checking back here (obsessively??) to see how you are doing and what's up! :-)

    By Anonymous cathy, at 8:01 AM  

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