Thursday, February 22, 2007

Don't Bite the Hand You Feed

You might think Natalie's got the life: loving moms who spend as much time as possible with her; hordes of eager grandparents, aunts, and uncles, who dote on her and surround her with wondrous books and toys; and a host of friends of all types and ages. Sometimes it's not all it's cracked up to be, though. Here's a peek at Natalie's diary from today:

Man, last night SUCKED. They put me in that cage-thing again and left me there. I tried to fool them, though. I dozed for a while (a girl's got a lot to process, you know?) but by 11:00 pm I'd HAD. IT. Even though I used my best screaming technique (remove Lovely-Sucking-Thing from mouth, holler with 100% of lung capacity, replace Lovely-Sucking-Thing when Big Hairy Ones show up), the Bigger Hairy Thing With Milk (BHTWM) would not let me at the milk. The NERVE of her. I persevered, though, and wore her down. Ha! I will say, though, that all that commotion really takes it out of you. Even though I wanted to keep up my Bi-Hourly Wakeup Campaign -- it was really successful the previous two nights -- I just couldn't. At 4:00 am, I realized I'd been derelict in my duties so I stood up, screeched, and rattled the cage-thing. This time Big Hairy Thing (no milk) came in and I convinced her rather quickly to take me to BHTWM. Victory!

I again employed my Early Morning Wakeup strategy and the BHTs started mumbling things about numbers starting with six. They're really hung up on that. I don't know what they're talking about. Five is such a pretty number. Anyway, BTHWM kept banging on the pretty little box with red lights to make it quiet. I don't know why she hits that box so hard. *I* think it's wonderful. Then the thing with all the buttons on it started making noise. I said "Hi!" because I know that's what you do when it rings*. BHT made a very sad face after she talked to it and told BTHWM that the "babysitter" was sick, whatever that means. Then the BHTs started rushing around and making a lot of noise. They didn't even give me breakfast!!

We went in the big rolling box again. The rolling box is ok, but that special chair in it? Yuck! I can't move. BHTWM keeps pulling and pulling on the strap and even when I squeak she doesn't stop. She does give me the Lovely-Sucking-Thing, though. That part is gooooooood.

Then we went to the big house with all the Furry Purring Things. I like them! But I hardly got to play with them before the BHT they call "Gram" put me in her rolling box. And took me out and put me back in again and then AGAIN. This time I was at the place BHTWM calls "School". It was ok. There a lot of Small Hairy Things who tried to touch me and make me laugh. I liked that. But then a lot of BHTs wanted to hold me and I just wanted BHTWM! (I did get some milk there - the best part of the day).

But then the WORST THING happened. BHTWM took me outside and tried to put me in the rolling box AGAIN. I did not like this plan. I cried. I wiggled. I tried to distract her by offering her some of my bread. And you know what she did? She bit me. Yeah. That's right.
Yeah, I did. She so did not want to get in the car. And then she got all cute and tried to distract me. She held out the bread and I played along, being silly and took a big bite of the bread. Only it was too big and I realized to my horror that I had chomped down -- pretty hard -- on her finger. I. Bit. My. Own. Kid. Thankfully, it didn't leave a mark or break the skin. But I felt like such a bad mommy. First I fall down with her, then I bite her. Good thing *I* didn't have to adopt her....

*100% true. She says hi now whenever phones ring. So cute!


  • So - uh, you guys should know that usually on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays I am sitting on my ass in my house and am willing to offer myself up as back-up for when babysitters are sick or whatever.

    Like today, I had nothing until 3ish.

    Yeah - call if you need me. We are usually up by 6am.

    By Anonymous jenny, at 6:39 PM  

  • OMG - "the sucky thing is so goooooooooooood" - I just peed my pants.

    Thank you , I totally needed that post tonight!

    Smoosh that Natster for me!

    By Blogger Shelli, at 8:21 PM  

  • Oy. Boy are YOU so generous and compassionate that you can write a sympathetic blog post about a hectic night/day from the perspective of your baby. I would be like, "And then the little brats kept me up till 4AM, and then the damn babysitter called in sick, and then the babies were whiny as hell in the car...". Oh please, give me some of whatever you are on. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

    By Blogger lagiulia, at 9:55 PM  

  • Comming out of lurk-dom here to say,
    Dont fret, before she's 3, she'll bite you back!

    By Anonymous Heatherg, at 8:37 AM  

  • I love the "big hairy thing" and related acronyms.

    By Blogger Lesbian, at 10:21 AM  

  • Tsk. First the dog shit...

    ;) I *still* (by accident!) bonk Sanna's head on the door frame of the car regularly.

    By Blogger Emilin, at 2:13 PM  

  • I had to come out of lurkdom to thank you for that post - it was hilarious! (Although, it will be hard now not thinking of myself as BHT around babies...)

    By Blogger Ellen, at 7:20 AM  

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