Thursday, February 02, 2006

Roundup

It's been a busy week in the house of Addition Problems. We're still reeling. Here's a summary:

The Good

  • We went to see a new Lyme specialist in New Jersey on Monday. While the 10 hour round-trip odyssey wasn't the "last trip without baby" of our dreams, it was worth it. The new doc is knowledgeable, pleasant, aggressive about the disease, and thorough. She thinks the Lyme may have triggered an autoimmune response, and ordered new tests to check into that. We should hear back within the next two weeks. As crazy as it may sound, I’ll be thrilled if something shows up, because then at least we’ll have an answer.
  • We met with a lawyer Tuesday night, and finally have the legal paperwork underway. We’ll be signing everything but the adoption stuff (which requires a six-month waiting period after the baby is born) next week.

The Bad

  • The trip to New Jersey did confirm some suspicions we've had for a long time yet. The doctor said that while I could consider getting pregnant IF we get my current symptoms under control, it would be a high-risk pregnancy and possibly not the best choice for me or the baby. Also, there are no OBs in the DC area who know Lyme, adding to her hesitation. She did not waver at all on the question of breastfeeding: she recommends that mothers with Lyme NOT breastfeed. Period. Fuck. Part of me is devastated. The other part of me can’t deal with that right now because I just want to GET BETTER.
  • Jen finally got around to asking the GP to send her pap results (from last spring) to the midwives. To which the doctor replied, “you know it was abnormal, right?” Uh, NO. In fact they called or sent a note saying it was NORMAL. Apparently, they ran an HPV test, which came back negative, and the pap was only slightly abnormal, so our doctor is not worried. Still this would have been good information to have BEFORE getting pregnant. And we’re not sure what the midwives will have to say about this.
  • If we’re really lucky, we may have just cleared the house of useable uteri this week.

The Ugly

  • We found out while talking to the lawyer on Tuesday that although the DC courts have been willing to waive the requirement for a home study for second parent adoption for the last 10 years, they stopped doing so LAST WEEK. So now, to become a legal parent to the child I helped plan and create, I have to be fingerprinted, background checked, assessed, have my home inspected, and whatever else is required. Oh, and pay a thousand or so to make sure that we get a non-homophobic social worker. It’s all so degrading. I recognize we're lucky to even be able to do the second parent adoption, but each extra hoop adds a little more sting.

We’re exhausted. We have a huge list of things to finish, which only seems to be getting longer. But Harpo continues to grow and kick, and Shelli and Narda are getting a baby, and many other wonderful mommies are just waiting for their babies to finally make an appearance, so not all is evil in the world.

12 Comments:

  • So the good sounds pretty good. The bad....well, that's pretty yucky. I'm sorry that Lyme is such a pain in the ass for you. The ugly -well that just makes me mad! I wish you didn't have to experience all the social worker scrutiny.

    By Blogger Sara, at 11:09 PM  

  • thanks for the props, ladies. We'd SOOOO be ther in DC this weekend if we didn't have so much to do.


    And um, would you CALL next trip to Jersey? You know, NY is right.next.door.

    And I know how to use public transport...

    xox

    By Blogger Shelli, at 11:55 PM  

  • Hey, Shelli, we were going to call or even come stay with you, but had to run up and back in the same day because I was frantically writing progress reports. Hopefully next time we have to go it will be a slightly less insane time and we'll be able to actually have some fun with it.

    By Blogger Cait, at 6:42 AM  

  • Sounds like you guys have a lot to digest ON TOP of the quickly approaching arrival of Harpo. I agree with Sara that the categories you picked are apt (good=good, bad=sucky, ugly=craptastic). I'll cross my fingers that answers (and hopefully happy ones) are on the horizon for you!
    And don't even get me started on how non-bio moms are viewed by the "system"...

    By Blogger Brooke, at 8:55 AM  

  • I had a mildly abnormal pap this pregnancy too, and completely freaked out. I ended up with THREE opinions on it. :)

    The bottom line is that absolutely none of the doctors thought it would have any effect on delivery. And the uber-duber expert medical professor recommended following up 6 weeks after the baby comes.

    By Anonymous Liza, at 11:49 AM  

  • Sorry about all the news to digest. I hope you guys rest and relax and are kind to yourselves this weekend.

    By Blogger charlotte, at 12:06 PM  

  • So glad you guys met with such a with it specialist. I hope they can spot whatever it is that is causing the flare ups. ugh.
    & tripple ugh on dealing with the home visits, etc...man. There was a story line about this on the L Word (not spoiling!!!!) & I had no idea about all the hoops.

    By Blogger Calliope, at 3:26 PM  

  • I hear you about the home study. It makes my blood boil whenever I think about it. Because, you know, the kid will already live there, and will continue to live there afterword, regardless of what they find.

    I really, really hope that you get some answers about the Lyme.

    By Blogger Brooke, at 4:11 PM  

  • As a teacher, I have worked with the human results of parents who choose to ingest alcohol and drugs while they are pregnant. and the kids are still with the parents, in most cases with no questions asked. I have incredibly complicated feelings about when and how and under what circumstances kids should be taken out of their homes, and when and how the government should get involved....
    But suffice to say I am pretty offended on your behalf. (and possibly on my own since we're too early in the process to have looked into the laws for second parent adoption in our own state)

    By Blogger Lo, at 12:14 AM  

  • As a teacher, I have worked with the human results of parents who choose to ingest alcohol and drugs while they are pregnant. and the kids are still with the parents, in most cases with no questions asked. I have incredibly complicated feelings about when and how and under what circumstances kids should be taken out of their homes, and when and how the government should get involved....
    But suffice to say I am pretty offended on your behalf. (and possibly on my own since we're too early in the process to have looked into the laws for second parent adoption in our own state)

    By Blogger Lo, at 12:17 AM  

  • Oh, Jen and Cait--

    What a mixed bag of emotions you are dealing with. so so sorry to hear the bad and ugly, so thrilled to hear the good.

    i'll just focus on the good.

    I am thinking of both of you...

    By Blogger Bekah, at 10:49 AM  

  • Cait,

    I sent you and email to talk about lymes, pregnancy and breastfeeding. I am 18 years with lymes and two children later.

    I am here if you want to talk!

    Julie

    By Anonymous Julie, at 9:17 AM  

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